BABY BURN OUT

I'm starting to get excited. Not that I haven't been excited up to this point about our little boy...but between the nausea and sleepless nights and the getting up early for work, it can be easy to forget that cute little light at the end of the tunnel. Or should I say at the end of the birth canal?

You see, a couple months ago I became totally enthralled in my research of baby stuff and birthing methods and all kinds of baby things. Never have I entered a stage in life that seemed to have so many options and a million opinions! I swear that I could write the next book in the "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" series and title it "If You Give a Pregnant Receptionist Too Little Work and a Computer..."

Yes, the internet heightened my ability to search out ALL POSSIBILITIES, but it also heightened my anxiety over making the right choices. What a blessing and a curse!

A curse because even before I really bought anything or made many decisions, I got burned out. Yup, the dreaded "baby buying burn out." Never heard of it? No worries - I just made it up. Cause it would seem to me that I'm the anomaly in the pregnant world. Most moms want to buy and are excited to hoard baby things as soon as possible. But for some reason, I wasn't. The combo of too many choices, limited space, and a limited budget can make even the essential purchases quite big decisions. And I think it just got overwhelming and irritating after a while. And so I stopped looking. I didn't really think much about baby stuff for a bit. And when I say a bit, I mean two months!

But a couple weeks ago, I realized that I was 34 weeks along and without a carseat, without a crib, and without a clue. Oops! We can't even get home from the hospital with what we've got. Yet thanks to the generosity of Nana and Papa Dalton, I found a carseat/snap-and-go stroller frame combo and bit the bullet. I bought it online. Woo hoo!

And you'd think that after the accomplishment of buying something for baby - I'd have felt happy and empowered. And I did! For about an hour. Then I started to think about all that was left to buy and I got overwhelmed again. I started slipping back into baby burn out mode. No!!!

Luckily, UPS didn't take long to make THIER little delivery for MY little delivery though.

I signed for the package at the front desk of our complex and proceeded to drag the box up to our apartment on the 3rd floor. No John is not a bad husband - he had to stay late at work and I was just too anxious not to open it right away. So there, in our apartment, I pulled Scooter's carseat out of the box and it hit me. Not the carseat - this realization:

I'm having a baby!! (yeah...my huge growing belly should have tipped me off, but it took a stroller. haha) But not only am I having a baby - I'm having a baby SOON! With or without stuff...who really cares. We'll get the essentials and learn (and buy) the rest along the way.

Who knew Graco could bring about such an epiphany?

Now, looking back on my burn out, I think my fears stretched a little beyond the "baby buying." That was just a front. I was stressing over the tangible things I needed for baby, but what scared me more was not having the personal characteristics ready for his arrival. I mean, do I have the physical strength and state of mind I'll need for labor/delivery? I sure hope so...cause you can't buy that on Amazon! Do I have the courage to quit my job and start a whole new phase of life? Again, not on the shelves of Babies R Us people! And here's hoping I can keep my spiritual side in tune for all those moments I'll be needing help from above. Cause that one comes at a cost, and you can't get it discounted from Wal-Mart.

I think it's funny how we rush toward the next milestone in life sometimes, only to revert back right before we reach it, worried we might not have what it takes. Even those things we've been excited about our whole lives. When we're about the reach it, touch it, experience it, it scares the heck out of us.

And so I've spent some time soul searching. And when I say soul searching, I mean watching Law and Order on my birthing ball. lol But during commercial breaks, I've come to the following conclusions.

Sometimes we just have to take a leap of faith when it comes to big life changes. We might not have all we need at first, but who the Lord calls - he qualifies. And if parenthood isn't one of the highest callings, I don't know what is. Sometimes it takes a little while to get our mojo in the mood to move forward...especially when moving forward feels like we have to leave what we've known before. But it's in those moments, when we truly realize what we're made of, and we get the opportunity to develop far more than we could ever buy. We get to strengthen ourselves. We get to reach new levels of self discovery. We get to move forward. We get to live.

And what is life, if not a constant progression of challenges and opportunities? Motherhood is no different - its unknown and new...and one of the biggest invitations for growth I can imagine.

So, I guess you could say that I've overcome my baby burn out (inside and out) and I'm on my way to being prepared for Scooter's big 0th birthday! Physically, emotionally, and whateverelse-ally. Ready or not, here he comes!!! And here I go on my journey. Sure I'll make some mistakes, but if I let myself become immobilized by fear, I won't get much out of the richness of life, now will I?

And so, with all that said - John and I are ready for you little dude! Come join our family whenever your heart desires. Well, preferrably before September 16th and before your mama gets stretch marks, but, you know, whenever...