GIVE ME TEN

I try to be a tidy person. I really do. But even the best of intentions collect dust when not followed by some sort of action. So while I intended to clean my apartment last weekend – I also intended to have fun. And as we all know, fun and cleaning have been at odds since the beginning of time. I’ve known this for as long as I can remember. It started back in the days of Saturday morning cartoons, and the arch nemesis of weekend fun - CHORES. Chores meant less time for fun and thus cleaning took on the role of the enemy.

Pretty soon adults caught on to the fact that kids loved fun and hated cleaning. Why? Because the adults ended up being the ones to pick up all the messes. And even though we might develop a greater tolerance for cleaning in adulthood – no one REALLY likes it. (Ok, with a few exceptions, mainly Monica from FRIENDS...but she’s a fictional character. I rest my case.) So adults saw how unfair it was for the kids to have all the fun while they ended up picking up the pieces, and the toys, and the Oreo crumbs smashed into the carpet, and the Legos that dropped beneath the seats in the car, and all 8 couch cushions that made our dream forts a living room reality. And thus the adults started to plot, as only adults can. They started to twist our innocent and developing view of reality in their favor.

They knew kids would avoid work if it LOOKED like work, but what if they could make it look like fun? What if they could make cleaning a GAME? Who do they think they are, right? Lest you think your parents a nobler breed than the sneaky ones suggested above, read on for the most common guises they created…

“Let’s see how many toys you can pick up before I count to 10!” Sure for the child who’s still a rookie at understanding parents, this looks like a game. BUT DO NOT BE FOOLED OH SMALL ONE! This is still cleaning! It’s work in fun’s clothing. (Get it? Like a wolf in sheep’s clothing? I guess if I have to explain it then it’s really not a good enough allusion…) And besides, have you ever heard a parent count to ten while their kid is tidying up? It takes them like 4 minutes just to get to # 5. Child labor. haha

Or how about that “Clean Up Song” from Barney? You know the one: “Clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere. Clean up, clean up, everybody do your share.” How dare you Barney. You were supposed to be on OUR team! This was one of the trickiest plots of them all. I can only assume that the parents got to Barney and somehow black mailed his huge purple self into joining forces with the “work team.” He was tricked, and in the process, we kids were duped. Oh Barney, how could you be such a sellout? And to think, I thought I loved you and you loved me and we were a happy family. With a great big hug and a LIE from you to me – it hurts too much to finish the song. (What’s that you say? Barney was a little past my time? Moving on…)

But the parents didn't stop there. Prepare yourself for where the cleaning propaganda popped up next: STICKER CHARTS! What do you take us for? In my case, stickers didn’t excite, and so my mom whipped out the big guns: POGS. Just to catch everyone up to speed: we all know what Pogs are right? Cardboard disks worth absolutely nothing and the occasional ‘slammer’ made of plastic and worth slightly more than nothing. Not even really sure how the game was played. I was definitely a Pog poser. I merely collected them to have more and cooler ones than the other kids at school. But back to the plotting of the parents: If I did my chores, I got Pogs. Was that supposed to make chores like an arcade or something? Like getting tickets/prizes for winning Pin-ball or Ski-ball or Whack-a-Mole? Newsflash parents – chores are in NO WAY as fun as arcade games. No matter how many low budget prizes you offer – we still smell work. We weren’t born yesterday. Er…well in the case of this example we were probably born like 4 years ago…but not YESTERDAY for goodness sake!

Now on to the final and ironically the most depressing aspect to the parent’s plan: the company behind the happiest place on earth: DISNEY! No…no way…no…say it aint so! It’s so. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the parents got to the big cheese himself – Mickey Mouse. Think about their very first full length animated feature film: Snow White. There, hidden betwixt prince charming, dwarfs, and forest friends is the song that says it all: “Whistle While You Work.” Mirror, mirror on the wall who’s the liar of them all? It’s you Snow White! (Sigh of desperation) They got to her too. Think of her lyrics. Only an adult could have so craftily woven this message into these lines and our subconsciouses (subconsciousi?)…

Just whistle while you work (whistle)
And cheerfully together we can tidy up the place
So hum a merry tune (hum)
It won't take long when there's a song
to help you set the place

The adults must have gotten to those little dwarfs too. I mean, did you hear how they were whistling while they worked in that ruby mine? I’d have accepted if just Dopey gave in to the parent’s, but Doc, you too? What a shame.

However, although some princesses sold out, one had the guts and plenty of mice friends to stand up for the cause of children everywhere. Cinderella was no stranger to work – but she sang out against chores in the song satirically entitled “The Work Song.” So here’s to you Cinderella. Every pretty girl deserves to go to a ball. Check out these lyrics from the mice in that song:

[Jack:]
Cinderelly, Cinderelly
Night and day it's Cinderelly
Make the fire, fix the breakfast
Wash the dishes, do the mopping
[Girl mice:]
And the sweeping and the dusting
They always keep her hopping
[Jack:]
She goes around in circles
Till she's very, very dizzy
Still they holler
[Girl mice:]
Keep a-busy Cinderelly!

We feel your pain Cindy. As Blink 182 says (not that you know who they are because they came way after you, oh yeah, and also because you’re a cartoon character…) “Work sucks, I know.”

But before I get off my Disney soap box, and lest you think my examples a little outdated – what about this little ditty from the 2007 Disney hit, “Enchanted.” I was hoping you’d have broken free of the adult’s brainwashing by now Disney…not the case…not the case. Check out these few stanzas to prove my point:

Come my little friends
As we all sing a happy little working song
Merry little voices clear and strong
Come and roll your sleeves up,
So to speak, and pitch in
Cleaning crud up in the kitchen
As we sing along

You can do a lot when you've got
Such a happy working tune to hum
While you’re sponging up the soapy scum
We adore each filthy chore

Dear parents – singing when we do chores still means we’re doing chores. Oh, and “cleaning crud up in the kitchen” and “sponging up the soapy scum” are not games...they’re work. Nice try. And just so you know, we will never “adore each filthy chore.”

(Whew!) OK. So adults lie to children about work being fun in order to get them to do chores. We’ve established that. But what happens when you’re still a kid inside, and you wake up one day and find yourself in an adult body? Welcome to my world. Then you have these two forces working inside you with totally opposite desires. What’s a girl to do? If I always indulge my inner child, I’ll be living in a pig sty. (John – don’t you dare say anything.) But if I always side with the adults and constantly clean, I’ll be letting chores and work and “cleaning crud up in the kitchen” win. And thus I institute my happy medium. The solution to bridge my internal generational gap.

THE 10 MINUTE RULE, or as I like to call it “GIVE ME TEN”

Here’s how it works. I set the timer for 10 minutes (to pacify my inner child’s desire to make it like a game) and then I do whatever form of chore needs to be done for that amount of time. The fun of it? Seeing how much I can get done before the timer goes off. Take Wednesday night for an example: I cleaned 2 bathrooms (sans the toilets and the shower) in 10 minutes (ok 12 – just to be honest). But still – not too shabby huh?

So, in the end I guess I can see where you’ve been coming from adults out there. No one wants to do work all the time. But let’s not kid ourselves: fun will trump cleaning every time. I suppose the trick is to coax your inner child into being responsible - even if it’s just for 10 minutes at a time. Hooked on 10 minutes works for me!

What can YOU get done in 10 minutes? Try it out and let me know. I’ll dedicate a whole blog post to you and your wonderfulness if you come up with the best use of 10 minutes. Seriously, try it and let me know. Maybe you and your roommate/spouse/family could make it a competition (that’s even more like a game your inner child squeals!) My goal is to have 10 people try it out. Anyone game? You there – on the couch watching cartoons while simultaneously reading my blog post – get up and jam pack 10 minutes and then tell me about it! Heck, while you’re at it, whistle while you work and let me know if that really works too.

Well who would have thought - I totally put the PRO in compromise. Even if this post did take a little longer than 10 minutes :)